THE GREAT DALE—An intrepid band of soldiers of fortune returned to town late yesterday afternoon and immediately wrote a scathing review of The Lost Fane of Horus Kope, a local dungeon, on a popular scry-to-subscribe dungeon rating service.
The review on DungeonGo, a relatively new service founded by a collective of retired adventurers, quickly became a sensation to the adventuring community for its critical content.
“The poor signage directing us to the correct location should have been sufficient warning that this place would not meet our expectations”, the review began before summarizing a gruelling journey through fetid bogs where they were repeatedly accosted by hostile lizardfolk. When the party did arrive, however, they were disturbed to learn they had scarcely scratched the surface of the dungeon’s flaws.
“There were oozes. OOZES!” the party seethed, sharing how their warrior had quickly lost his new magic sword to the corrosive properties of their ill-chosen foes and vowing to report the dungeon to the proper authorities for its clear health and safety violations.
The most unwelcome surprise was yet to come, however. Following the party’s hard-won victory against a monstrous, demonic spider with acidic webs, they finally came to the ‘vault’ where the beast has sequestered its hoard.
“The damned treasure was bound up in hundreds of web sacks suspended from the roof of the cave”, they explained, adding, “and when we finally managed to knock them down and tear them open… it was mostly copper!”
In total, the party counted 2,128 copper pieces, 134 silver pieces, 27 gold pieces, and 3 platinum pieces, in addition to a smattering of gems worth a total of about 150 gp. Faced with the prospect of trying to carry over 45 lbs of coins back through a mire of quicksand, thorny hedgerows, brackish bogs, and angry lizardfolk, the adventurers were forced to admit that they had been left wanting by their experience.
The party offered words of warning to others, “Previous reviews promising fame and fortune are grossly overstated. Will not be returning again and do not recommend.”
Across DungeonGo’s seven key metrics—including accessibility, atmosphere, and management—the Lost Fane received an average of 1.25 stars.
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