HONEYWOOD, NORTHERN FRONTIER—Local merchant and fixture of the small town of Honeywood, Ander Milton, has closed up his unique establishment after 32 years following his first and only successful customer interaction.
A motley band of itinerant soldiers of fortune calling themselves “The Worshipful Company of Tomb Raiders” entered the store just after noon earlier that day and promptly purchased three magic swords, a bag with a magically enlarged interior, a cloak that allowed its wearer to fly, an unguent capable of defeating any adhesive, no fewer than 10 restorative potions, and more. It is estimated that the sum total of the transaction exceeded 20,000 golden lions, all of which was paid in cash.
“It was a close call there”, said Milton, adding “I’m 15 years overdue on my taxes. I’ve been subsisting on tree bark and chunks of salted meat I steal from the butcher. If I’d gone one more day without my stock being bought out, I would have had to declare bankruptcy and vanish into the aether!”
When asked why he didn’t relocate his shop to a larger settlement where wealthy buyers could be found, or lower his prices to accommodate the local economy, Milton replied, “to answer that, I’ll direct your attention to the 400 pounds of gold those folk paid me. Quite the nice retirement fund. Besides, it always seemed as though I was meant to be here, like some higher power set me here to await this very day, to serve these very customers in precisely this fashion. All my struggles to this point seemed nothing more than trials to achieve my great destiny.”
The adventurers were unavailable for comment, as they were raising their dead after a harrowing journey into some long-forgotten tomb not more than an hour’s walk from town.
Editor’s Note: Shortly after this interview, the town of Honeywood was overrun by a fearsome red dragon that laid claim to Milton’s hoard, slaughtering everyone in town—including no fewer than eleven assassins who had been dispatched to deprive the retired shopkeep of his newfound wealth. The dragon was promptly slain by the same adventuring band that had purchased Milton’s stock, who were delighted to find a hoard of 20,000 gp in the beast’s lair.
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