Wizard’s Latest Epiphany a Bunch of Dumb Nerd Stuff

FREE CITY OF GREYHAWK—Colleagues of Priam Prescott Pawley, who seems to have three alphabets after his name and maybe has a special chair in a hoity-toity university, have taken their leave of the city for a brief respite from the wizard’s exuberant attempts to share his latest discovery about some dumb nerd stuff.

“The entropic decay of magical resonances can be objectively measured by attenuating against the multiphasic—” the wizard explained before we tuned him out. We also conveniently ‘forgot’ his 739-page monograph on his discovery when we managed to escape his laboratory at The Guildhouse, the party’s large manor and base of operations.

“This is an unfortunately frequent occurrence with the young man”, shared Anastasia, a moon elf cleric and adventuring companion of the magical scholar, who has rented a room at a crossroads inn half a day up the road to the capital, as she did the last three times this happened.

“I very much respect the arcane forces that he commands”, she went on, “but Priam’s intelligence seems deficient in areas of social interaction. He interrupted my meditation thrice to advise me of some new manner in which his discovery had disproved some older theory or another, none of which I had ever heard of and which all sounds like a bunch of dumb nerd stuff, as I flatly told him to no avail. I shall remain here in this unsanitary establishment amid the unwashed rabble until he has worn out his excitement and it is safe to return.”

“Am aboot ta thump tha lickspittle in ’is knob if’n ’e barges in ’ere again”, growled Borund, the party’s dwarven fighter, adjusting the leather grip on his warhammer, one of many in his chambers.

“Ah was usin’ tha chamber pot when ah hear this thunderin’ knock and me door flies open ta let ’im in!” Borund continued, “‘Yarika’ or some other shite ’e shouts. Ah thought ’e was layin’ doon a curse, so ah toss ma pot a ’is face and it spills all over me bed! And ’e just laughs and runs off ter spook another poor sod!”

The manor’s servants have all taken to hiding in the servant’s wing to avoid encountering the manic mage as he roams the estate’s halls in search of someone with whom to share his stupid discoveries.

“Master Priam is a good and kind employer”, explained Hereward, the human butler, “but he can be a touch overwhelming when a mood like this overtakes him. Bless him, but he doesn’t realize that people have better things to do with their time than hear his dumb nerd nonsense.”

A bunch of other nerds are apparently gathering at The Guildhouse in a fortnight to hear Priam present his findings in the great hall and talk about more dumb nerd stuff. Go watch it yourself, we have better things to do than cover the event. Yuck.

Feature Image: “Erratic Visionary” by Randy Vargas

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